When my ex-husband and I were together, we at first tried to keep both sides of the family happy for holidays. That meant we would drive 3 hours to his mom's house and have Thanksgiving and/or Christmas there and then drive back home to my mom's house and do it again. Of course, that meant that Santa also made the dual visits which got trickier as the kids got older.
We eventually stopped the dual Christmas visits, but kept up the dual Thanksgivings until we divorced. When we separated and during the first few Christmas' after our divorce, I offered to let my ex sleep on the couch so he would be there Christmas morning. I have full custody so don't have to worry about splitting or alternating holidays if I don't want to. As I look at other people's custody arrangements, I am glad that one, I have full custody, and two, that my ex and I have kept things very positive for the kids. I see so many parents fighting over their kids and making everyone's life miserable.
My ex never did take me up on that offer, but he would generally come over around 6 am and make coffee and anxiously wait for the kids to wake up. Most years, we had to wake the kids up although there was the one year, they woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep until I let them open presents at 4:30 am. When the kids woke up, they opened their stockings and waited for their grandmother to drive over to watch them open their presents.
The year before last, my ex asked for the children on Christmas. He had asked for them the year before, but the kids didn't want to go with him. This year, he asked for them again and they decided to sleep over there and then come to my house in the morning. I was instructed to stay in bed until they got there and woke me up.
Last year, we went to the Pittsburgh Steelers game on Christmas Eve. We went out the day before the game and spent the night in Pittsburgh. We watched the game, had a great time, and then drove home Christmas Eve. That year didn't quite feel like Christmas as we changed our traditions that year.
This year, my ex and I have bought some shared presents and also built on each other's presents. So my son can't open my gifts until he opens his father's. My daughter can't open her gifts from her dad and some of my gifts until she opens the shared gift we bought her. So, this afternoon, I took all the presents and stockings over to my ex's house. After church tonight, I will drop the kids off at my ex's house where they will spend the night. In the morning, they will call me when they wake up and I will drive over there to watch them open their presents. My mom will not be with us this year as she has gone to California to visit my sister and niece for Christmas. Again, Christmas won't feel quite the same. But we are all well and happy so we will have a great time regardless.
Merry Christmas to everyone and Happy New Year!
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10 comments:
And a Merry & Happy to you and all you are close to!
Sully
Christmas greetings, Cathy!
You sound quite uncommonly cooperative with your ex. It's refreshing to hear of a couple that is focused on what the kids need and want and not just on their own needs. The old rules and expectations don't apply to much of modern life, and I hope that your holiday -- in whatever form it takes -- is one of shared joy.
And all the best for a 2008 filled with good things for you!
Cheers,
Chris Capp
Merry Christmas Cathy with a C!
Love, Elizabeth with a z.
(and Emile, with an e)
Hi Cathy, I'd say you are both role model parents in terms of making flexible arrangements for the children. I wish all parents could be that way.
Thank you for your nice comment. We've been enjoying our classic Cardullo Christmas, lots of home made Italian food, presents with lots of laughter, children playing and of course, endless trays of desserts. Took an hour long power walk along Huntington Beach waterfront at sunset. It went down just behind Catalina Island with a perfect outline of the Island, and cruise ships could be seen pulling out of Long Beach harbor. I wonderful scene to close a joyous Christmas weekend. Wishing peace, health and happiness to you and your family for 2008 Cathy. Won't be long now till W is out of office. I actually have a wall calendar in my office counting down.. it even includes the first 20 days of 2009 till he actually moves out. Ha!
Hi Cathy,
as a teacher who sees all sorts of arrangements from divorced parents, I can completely take my hat off to you and your ex for being great role models of civility to your children. They will benefit from seeing such co-operation from you both.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas and all the best in 2008!
xx
AM
Hi Cathy,
Great Christmas story, pleased to hear you and your ex are amicable with everything and the kids.
You are great parents.
xox
Cathy,
All things said, your kids are lucky to have parents with that understanding.
I hope it was great and that the New Year holds good things for all of you.
Paul
Hi Cathy,
Very well written post!
Happy New Year to you & your's.
Peace, Love & Prosperity!!!
Ed
P.S. please also wish Laurie BZ the same from me. Thanks
Hi Cathy-
I really commend you and your ex for being committed to the children. It's RARE, I tell you! But heartening.
Hope you had a good one.
Happy New Year to you and yours.
Thank you for your prayers and support both before and after my surgery.
I wrote a little on the gratitude thread on Rachel's forum...
I remember that you had your church pray for me...believe me- I FELT IT!!!
I am doing fantastic.
Thank you.
Lots of love,
Suexxxx
Merry belated Christmas Cathy!
It's good to know that not all divorced families are torn apart. Your kids will definately benefit from this. Glad to see you all had a nice Christmas.
Hope you all have a Happy New Year.
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