Happy Birthday, Daddy

Today is my father's birthday. He would have been 64, but he was killed when he was 41.

Fred, my father, came from a small coal-mining town in PA. His grandparents had come over from Austria-Hungary. His father went into the mines when he was a young child and died of black lung in his early 40s. His mother, Evelyn, raised seven children on her own. She took her husband back into her house when he could no longer take care of himself. My grandmother was a strong woman who worked in a sewing factory doing piecework. I remember her well and hope that I have her strength, her independence and her sense of humor. I did inherit her ability to raise one eyebrow which annoys people greatly at times!

My mother, Anne, also came from that same small town. Her parents worked for the state. And, like my father, her grandparents came to the US as immigrants. In fact, her grandmother never learned English and her father was, for the most part, unable to speak with his mother.

My parents started dating in junior high. My mother went to the Catholic school in town. There were many churches in their hometown, mostly Orthodox churches. I loved going to their hometown - all the unique churches built into the side of the mountain with their copper-covered, onion-shaped towers on top of the buildings. My parents, to the best of my knowledge, did not date anyone other than each other.

They both left their small hometown to try and better themselves, but they maintained a long-distance relationship. My mother went to Wilkes-Barre to become a nurse. My father joined the Navy as an enlisted man. He took a test to enter the nuclear submarine program, but instead, he was placed into the Naval Academy. He was disappointed about being sent to the Academy. Lee, his roommate, became a life-long friend.

While in nursing school, my mother also made life-long friends and she lived with them after she became pregnant with me. She finished nursing school after I was born and while my father finished the Academy.

I was a Daddy's girl. Daddy had always wanted a daughter first and he had my name picked out long before I was born. My parents went on to have three more children (2 girls and 1 boy) and we went on the road as a Navy family. We moved often - Rhode Island, Georgia, California, Japan and Pennsylvania. My mother did not enjoy being a Navy wife, having to move so often, and being a single parent for the months my father was at sea. So my father left the service when I was in grade school.

Family was very important to my father. Also important to him was community and giving back to others. People often came to my father for advice and support. He served on town council for many years. As a nurse, my mother often worked second shift so he spent a lot of time with his children.

A math major, my father moved into the computer field working on the Navy supply systems. Lee, his roommate, joined the Air Force and remained there his entire career working with the aerospace program. After the Navy, my father went into the IT field. I eventually followed him into the computer field and also into the Supply Chain area. I remember going to his office and seeing the card-reading computers.

In 1982, my father's sister came to live with us with her two children. Her husband beat her for years and she finally left him. Her estranged husband came to visit the children and kidnapped them, taking them to South Carolina. My father and my aunt went to SC for the custody hearing where he tried to kill both of them. He protected his sister, but lost his life in the process.

His nieces grew up to be beautiful strong women. His sister was able to raise them. My sisters and brother grew up to be successful and independent with their own families. Our values were instilled in us from an early age. As children, we did not get in trouble if we told the truth, but if we lied, that's when we got punished. We knew that family is important. We knew that education was a never-ending process. And, we learned that life is precious and shouldn't be wasted.

I am sad that my children will never know their grandfathers. Both their biological grandfathers died before they were born. My father would be so proud of his children and his grandchildren. Christmas is always a sad time for my mother because my father was so excited every year at Christmas. It was his favorite holiday and he enjoyed it more than the kids.

With Christmas birthdays, we both got 'cheated' in our presents. Mine is four days before Christmas and his was three days after. We got lots of combo presents. :-)

Happy Birthday, Daddy.